I was born a thinker, an observer of my world. There are pictures of me as a baby where I am staring out of my stroller with a somber expression, taking in the world around me. There are stories of me as a child that are told at nearly every family gather. Stories of how my parents could not convince me something would be great by using the high happy voice adults use with children. My response to, “Come on Sara, you will have fun,” was often, “I might, and I might not.”
This approach to life has served me well. It has kept me safe, helped me take calculated business risks, and gave me a deep appreciation for the importance of a good education and the opportunities it can bring.
As I near 40, I’m beginning to wonder whether settling into this comfortable approach to life caused me to miss out on fully living life. I don’t necessarily look back and feel as though I missed out on things. I don’t see glaring holes in my life experiences. But by living primarily in logic and reason, I do wonder if I missed out on a world of faith and miracle.
I recently completed a three month sabbatical. It was a time designed for me to write my life story, working my way through a series of prompts with the purpose of uncovering what has shaped my life up until this point, and what I want to shape my life going forward.
The two themes that popped up repeatedly as I looked forward to my future were a deep desire to live authentically free and to walk by faith rather than by sight.
One of the advantages to getting older is you learn you no longer need to put so much energy into proving your worth to the world. You have already achieved a lot and learned that worldly achievements often leave you feeling as though something is still missing. I want to put this to work for myself, using the wisdom of age to free myself from others’ expectations, society’s values, and the voices of others that crowd my head wanting to be heard.
But more importantly, I want to walk completely by faith rather than relying on my own skills and talents to carve a fulfilling life path.
The creation and launch of The Million Girl Army is a journey that will put this desire into practice. I have had this idea for nearly five years now and yet it still lives primarily as a dream in my head. As I think through the business plan, there are glaring holes. This has never happened to me in business before. I have always been able to envision exactly what was needed, the order things needed to happen in, and the end result. I haven’t been able to do that with The Million Girl Army and that has made me push it to the side time and again. I simply was too afraid to tackle it for it required too much faith to succeed. It requires God to fill in the right people at the right time with the right skills again and again. And I am not used to relying on anyone other than myself even if He is God.
The hardest part about a belief in God is His stubborn refusal to communicate it a clear manner. And yet he has faithfully amped up my desire, the pressure, and His call for me to follow the path He chose for me and get started with this organization. It is now uncomfortable if I don’t take action and it feels fulfilling when I do.
In the last three months I have had more moments of walking in crazy faith and He has met me faithfully each time I followed His prompting. He has opened doors, pocketbooks, and my heart in the process. I find that walking by faith rather than by my sight fills my days with anticipation. I feel closer to Him because in each fearful uncertain moment I draw close to Him for comfort. And again and again He proves His faithfulness.
I don’t know how this journey will go exactly. But I am committed to waking each moment and doing my best to be his hands and feet as I work my way to the launch of this organization to serve the girls and women of the world. I promised to write along the way, sharing the highs and lows, the triumphs and the missteps of walking by faith as I created and launched The Million Girl Army.
Thank you for joining me on that journey.